Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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