getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
