Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
