clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
