Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
