her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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