why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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