She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
