I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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