he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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