Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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