I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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