"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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