WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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