Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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