So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
