I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everyone says I win the strip club
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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