o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
