If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
