O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
