I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
