so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
