I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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