I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
