mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
