the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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