i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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