are you still at the devil's house?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
