I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
