he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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