i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
