I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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