Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
