1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
