Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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