Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
