Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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