Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
