you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
