the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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