I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
