Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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