once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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