My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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