You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
