Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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