Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
