How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
