meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
