After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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