I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
