in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize