Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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