So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
NoShamevember. You game?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
