We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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