He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you told grandpa to call you daddy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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