he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
