dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
