Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.