So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt