Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?