and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.