wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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