Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
