Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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