I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
