I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
