so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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