if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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