Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
