I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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