Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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