I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
