i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
