So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
