he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
