Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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