I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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