whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
